I have blogged about my "interesting" health history, but I don't really talk about my health otherwise. I am very health conscious and try to make smart, responsible choices for me and my family when it comes to what we eat or how we spend our time. That's why it is so frustrating when despite all of that effort, I still have times when I am just not physically well.
Right now I am having some (hopefully minor) issues and seeing a doctor and all of that stuff, so I'm not going to go on about that - I'll go on about other things instead. Like my frustration with this issue.
I came to realize the other night that the frustration I was feeling was connected to the control I was NOT feeling... I remember when I was pregnant with my younger child, I was so at peace. I had given up control to God and really had no worries (yes, there is a *little* more to that story that I will probably share at a later date). I wondered then - what is my deal now? Where did my peace go?
I think I just forgot. I forgot to decrease so He can increase. I forgot to show my problem how big my God is, instead of the other way around.
As a stay at home mom to young children I have to be on top of SO much stuff that being in control just gets to be a habit. It is more of a reflex than a choice. Of course the level with which I need to be on top of things changes based on the ages and stages of my children and whatever we have going on in our lives, but - as any mom can tell you - there is always a lot to keep up with.
The other thing I have a hard time remembering is to take my health seriously. Because of my history, I don't really have the luxury of ignoring things or putting things off until later - yet I do. Again, I think this is more of a reflex than a choice. I *think* this is what ALL moms do. And I think it is a survival mechanism. ESPECIALLY with young kiddos! They need so much - they really do. As grown-ups we know that we will be OK and we can figure it out or go without or wait until later or whatever the situation calls for. But little ones really cannot go without or do without or figure it out. As parents, we get to guide and nurture them until they are old enough to do things for themselves. And - little by little - we can then "decrease" our presence in their lives so that they can "increase" their independence and self confidence.
But in the meantime... In the meantime - how do we take care of ourselves?
I don't know. I *for real* don't know. But I am open to suggestions. For a lot of mommies that I know, one answer is relying on family to take care of the kiddos every now and then to free up time for other things. But we don't live near our families. I know others who rely on friends for help. I know some great people here, but I also have a 17 month old with separation issues, so that isn't exactly an "easy" solution. And time isn't necessarily the problem.
But I do know that I am not in control anyway, so I just need to get over that. On the other hand, I think God expects us to be responsible for the bodies He gave us and that we need to take care of ourselves in the best way we can so we can do the work we are supposed to do. The challenges we face are just part of our journey.
I will have to keep working on this problem (in my copious free time). But for now, here's a completely random picture that has nothing to do with this blog post. It just made me laugh: